Over her
by Gabriele Schulz
Summary: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks. *WIP* Buffy/Giles (also Willow/Anya)
1. Over her

TITLE: Over her  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/05/02  
--------------------------  
  
  
He was over her.  
  
Rupert Giles sat in a taxi cab, waiting to arrive at the familiar house on Revello Drive. She would be there. Buffy Summers, his Slayer, the woman he had loved in every way possible, the woman who had brought him the greatest happiness and the deepest despair. But all of that was in the past.  
  
She was still Buffy Summers, but she hadn't been his Slayer for over four years and although he would always love her, he had moved on from those feelings that kept him in limbo between hope and disappointment for so many years.  
  
Yes, he was over her.  
  
This didn't mean that he wasn't a bit nervous about seeing her again. It had been half a year since they'd last met. She'd looked so young and beautiful with the flowers in her dark hair, smiling a bit nervously while they had both held the young girl that was to be their Goddaughter. He remembered the aching he had felt for her. Endless fantasies, in which they weren't holding the daughter of their best friends, but their own child. He was glad that it wouldn't happen again.  
  
Because he was over her.  
  
Would she still have dark hair? He wasn't quite sure if she had stopped dying it because of Michael. Maybe she had gone back to blonde after their break-up. He had like it. The hair, not the break-up. Although of course when he had heard of their split he had felt the all too familiar rising of hope in his chest. He had called her to offer his support and comfort, but she had been quite calm. It was painful, but it would pass. He had agreed, wondering silently how long it would take her to be fully over it, to be finally ready for his chance to offer all his love and affection.  
  
"Some things just aren't meant to be."  
  
That had been her words. She had talked about her and Michael of course but somewhere in his brain a different connection had been made. He knew the feeling all too well. He had loved her for many years and there had always been something that had kept him from telling her how he felt. He had always been waiting for her to be in a relationship that would last and free him by taking away all his hopes to be with her. Or for her to get over one of these relationships once they had failed so that he could make his move. But whenever he had thought things were close to either, something had changed. Her relationship had taken a turn for worse or she had met someone new (or old).  
  
It had just never been meant to be.  
  
And at that moment he had realized that it never would. For seven years he had waited for something to liberate him from this place between heaven and hell and he suddenly knew that the only one who could end his torment was himself. Buffy wouldn't rearrange her life to fit his needs, nor would the men who met her not fall in love with her simply because he had waited for his chance for so many years. If he wanted to live his own life in full, including the romance that he had hoped in vain to find with Buffy, he had to stop waiting for her.  
  
And he had.  
  
He had deepened the on-again-off-again relationship with Caroline and for the first time since Jenny had tried to commit himself to someone other than Buffy. And if he was honest with himself, even with Jenny he had held back some part of him that was reserved strictly for his Slayer. It had been liberating indeed. The month after his "epiphany" had been one of the happiest in his life. Unfortunately the three and a half months after that had shown him that his commitment alone wouldn't make a relationship work. They hadn't officially parted ways yet, but it was only a matter of time.  
  
Not that that changed anything.  
  
That first month with Caroline had shown him that leaving Buffy behind and moving on was the right decision. Eventually he would meet someone who would love him and accept him and his calling. He was looking forward to dating again. With Buffy there could never be a slow "getting to know each other". There couldn't be a gradual build-up of feelings. He was hers heart, body and soul. Had been. Because he now he was free again to meet her without this overwhelming love overshadowing any thought he had. He was really looking forward to seeing her again.  
  
Because he was over her. 


	2. Warm Welcome

TITLE: Over her (2/?)  
PART: Warm Welcome  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/06/02  
--------------------------  
  
  
When the door opened he was greeted by Dawn. Her face lit up and she hugged him fiercely. He hugged her back, smiling. When they let go off each other, she took his suitcase and nodded towards the dining room.  
  
"We've already begun eating."  
  
He followed the noises to the table filled with food and presents. The place at the head of the table, surrounded by presents was empty. Buffy wasn't there. Anya was getting up from her place to hug him in her typical suffocating manner. Over her shoulder he could see Willow moving the bowl of food out of Harris' reach before she took her out of the high chair. The only other person in the room was a young blonde man, whom he vaguely remembered as Dawn's boyfriend. He had gotten up from his chair as well and politely smiled at Rupert. He smiled back scanning the room again. Someone was missing.  
  
With a pang he remembered that Xander wouldn't be there. But before he could dwell on the thought Willow had reached him. She handed Harris to Anya to hug him.  
  
"It's so good to see you."  
  
"I'm glad to be here."  
  
Anya rocked the infant in her arm and held her towards him.  
  
"See. This is your Uncle Rupert."  
  
"If I were you, I'd let them know *immediately* that being a Godfather doesn't give them the right to call you that."  
  
He turned around to the source of the voice. Buffy gave Anya a little glare before she looked at him and smiled. Her hair was still dark. She was wearing it up today along with a simple sweater and jeans. His heart skipped a beat at her sight. Casual or not she looked breathtaking to him.  
  
"Hey Giles."  
  
He took a quick calming breath and smiled at her.  
  
"Buffy. Happy birthday."  
  
He enfolded her in a hug. He could feel the strength in her fragile-looking body, smell her perfume. Her cheek where it touched his felt so very soft. Then it was over. She smiled at him and it occurred to him that he shouldn't be so affected by her. He shook himself and sat down at the empty chair between hers and Dawn's. Buffy sat down gracefully and he told himself that it was natural to be affected by her. He had after all loved her for so long and she was an attractive woman and he was a man. Why wouldn't he appreciate the sight of a lovely looking woman?  
  
As if in confirmation he looked over to Anya and Willow. Willow was struggling to get Harris' back in the high chair, while Anya embraced her from behind, whispering something in her ear. Willow turned around to her, eyes widening slightly, but Anya just grinned. Together they managed to secure their daughter in the high chair. Willow turned around to her lover and quickly kissed her before they both settled down.  
  
He smiled. He was genuinely happy to see that they had made it through all their difficulties and had become a little family. They were beautiful together, but he had to admit to himself that his reaction to them wasn't remotely what he felt at the sight of Buffy. But that didn't mean anything. He was over her and even if he couldn't deny that he was still attracted to her, it wasn't the same as the hopeless love that had pervaded his whole life.  
  
Dawn sat down beside him and started loading cake on his plate.  
  
"They *have* food in England, you know."  
  
She smiled embarrassed.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure you'd eat some of this. We have even more in the kitchen and you were just staring into space thinking about who-knows-what."  
  
It was his turn to smile a bit embarrassed.  
  
"It's appreciated."  
  
And to prove his point he started eating heartily. 


	3. Growing Up Fast And Selling Well

TITLE: Over her (3/?)  
PART: Growing Up Fast And Selling Well  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/07/02  
--------------------------  
  
They had finished eating without incident, except for a food attack by Harris, which resulted in the death of two flowers.   
  
Buffy had opened her presents and was currently upstairs changing into a dress that Willow and Anya had given her.  
  
The rest of the party had moved to the living room. Giles was sitting on the couch, with Harris on his lap. Willow and Anya were sitting next to him. Jack, Dawn's boyfriend, was sitting in an armchair with Dawn perched half next to, half on top of him.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
There was no question as to what Harris wanted. She had taken an interest in Giles' glasses and had tried for the last minutes to snatch them off his nose.  
  
"If I were you, I'd move them out of her reach and sight. Unless you like them with sticky fingerprints all over."  
  
"And drool. Don't forget the drool."  
  
He looked over to Willow and Anya, whose looks seemed to indicate that they knew all too well, what they were talking about.  
  
Harris put her hand up again and he could move himself away just in time. He looked at her and she stared back. She clearly wouldn't just give up. He held her with one hand and used the other to take his glasses off. He held them up for her. She followed his every move. Then he quickly moved them to her back and took the glasses with two of his fingers of the other hand. The hand that had just held the glasses was empty.  
  
Harris looked at the hand then around then at him. She knew that something was going on but she didn't really get it. He had to smile. At that moment she terribly reminded him of Xander. His smile faltered a bit. That Xander wouldn't see her grow up, had in fact not seen her once, was painful. But he was grateful that there was something... someone whom he had left behind to remind them of him in a more tangible manner than their many memories.  
  
He pulled Harris a little closer to him with his free hand and put the glasses on the table.  
  
Her new object of interest seemed to be his nose. He let her grab it, glad to notice that her hands were in fact not sticky. She pulled and instead of resisting he moved his head forward and her body quickly backwards and then up again. She laughed out loud delighted, showing her row of little teeth, two to be exact.  
  
"She's growing up so fast."  
  
"If you moved back here, you could see her every day. We would even let you babysit her."  
  
"Sweety," Willow warned her.  
  
But Anya continued. "Plus you could help out at the Magic Box. We could really use a good sales clerk."  
  
"Well, thank you very much."  
  
They looked over at Jack, who had obviously followed the conversation despite being involved in some serious necking with Dawn.  
  
Giles remembered that Anya had told him about a new employee, who had caught Dawn's interest but that had been over a year ago. He had met Jack at Harris' blessing, but he couldn't recall seeing him at Xander's funeral, two month earlier. Then again bringing someone to the funeral of one of your oldest and best friends might be considered a big step in a relationship.  
  
Michael hadn't been there. He had been at the wake, but not the funeral. Before he could ponder on this, Anya reassured Jack.  
  
"Not to replace you. It's just that we'd love to spend more time with Harris and alone with each other and I don't want strangers running the store unsupervised."  
  
That in turn seemed to please Jack. He obviously was considered worthy of that trust. Anya's next compliment wasn't quite as well received.  
  
"You are really doing a good job with all the young girls."  
  
Dawn sat up at that.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You know, the young girls who want to curse their teachers or bewitch their crushes." At Rupert's look she amended, "they can't really do magic, but you can sell them *anything*. Or at least Jack can."  
  
"I can't believe you're using my boyfriend to charm young impressionable teenagers into buying stuff they don't need."  
  
"It's not my fault that they couldn't hex a piece of papers into shreds if they had a pair of scissors. And he started working for us before he became your boyfriend. The charming worked well enough on you."  
  
"I'm not an impressionable teenager!"  
  
"You're not 20 yet and as fa-"  
  
"Anya."  
  
"She started."  
  
"Uhm... maybe we could just get back to the subject at hand. Jack does a great job at the Magic Box and we cannot ask Giles to move here to suit our needs for a sales clerk or babysitter. *But*," Willow turned towards Giles, "it would be great if you could fly over a bit more often. We really miss you and Harris could put a face to the voice on the phone, if she saw every now and then."  
  
Rupert looked at the baby on his lap. She couldn't possibly know what they were talking about but she seemed to agree with her mother. Her look was hopeful.  
  
"It might not be necessary."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I... I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. The Council has asked me if I could return to California."  
  
"That's so great!"  
  
Willow hugged him and Anya put her arms around both of them. Harris seemed quite pleased, too. She rewarded him with another view of her little teeth. From her spot on the armchair Dawn smiled fondly at him.  
  
"It would be wonderful if it worked out."  
  
"If what worked out?" Buffy asked descending the last step of stairs in her new dress.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Wow, thanks for the feedback everyone :)  
  
I had more explanations about Xander in the original version of the first chapter, so I tried to make up for it in this one. I'm sorry. He's dead. I do love him very much, but in this story it just fit that he had died.  
  
EmryldWing: Aww, thanks. The plan is to post a chapter a day. We'll see how it goes...  
Elizabeth Anne: Thank you :) I really hope you'll enjoy what is to come. I'll try not to be too hard on B/A, but I will mention them...  
trishv20: I like Willow/Anya, too. I cannot bring myself to write a full fic where they get together so I just thought I'd jump into the future where they already are a couple. Actually I think this is how this fic started.  
Queen Boadicea: Yeah, for someone who's over Buffy, he seems to spend an awful amount of time thinking about her.  
  
I'm sorry there wasn't B/G interaction in this chapter. It turned out longer than I had thought, so I stopped in the middle of the scene, with an evil cliffhanger of sorts ;)  
  
Coming up: Some news with mixed reactions. 


	4. Stunned

TITLE: Over her (4/?)  
PART: Stunned  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/09/02  
--------------------------  
  
"Wow, Buff, you look gorgeous!"  
  
"It's sexy, but also elegant. You don't look like a whore at all."  
  
Buffy laughed at that. "Well, that's a relief." She turned around to award them with a view of the back of the dress.  
  
"Stunning." At a look from the women Jack added, "not as stunning as you of course, Dawn."  
  
Giles heard only bits and pieces from their talk. He had instinctively pulled Harris closer to him, so that he wouldn't drop her at the inevitable state of shock that he went into. Stunning indeed. Though it wasn't adequate to describe her.  
  
The dress was quite simple really, black, low-cut, but not indecently so, and showing much of Buffy's perfectly aligned back. What made it so perfect was that it seemed as if it had been molded for her. It fit in all the right places. As if someone had sculpted it after her body.  
  
Giles began an internal chorus of 'I'm over her, I'm over her...' which was answered with another internal voice.  
  
~ If you ever were over her, you've just fallen in love again, you bloody old fool. ~  
  
The thought acted like something of a cold shower. He looked away from her body to her head. One strand of hair had escaped her lovely hair-do. It fell down along her face. As she smiled at Dawn and Jack, she tilted her head a bit. She was every bit the woman he had come to love. The same body, the same person - the same unattainableness.  
  
Being over her wasn't about her, it was about him. It was what he needed. It was what he'd have to be in order to continue his life. And he *would* move on.  
  
"So what's the great thing?"  
  
"Oh. Giles had news. Maybe-news."  
  
"Maybe they're news or maybe Giles had them?"  
  
"Maybe Giles should tell you himself."  
  
Buffy turned her look to Giles.  
  
"Ehm, yes. I... it's not sure yet, just so you know that y-"  
  
"Giles."  
  
"Yes, right. The Council has asked me to... has asked if I would be willing to go back to California."  
  
She smiled, then her smile faltered a bit.  
  
"Council? Not that I wouldn't love for you to be back, but usually if the Council wants something it's nothing I'm gonna like in... 10 out of 10 times. This is not some ancient text that prophecized my death, I hope."  
  
"The hellmouth."  
  
"The end of the world!"  
  
"A BUNNY PLAGUE!"  
  
"No, no. No prophecy, the hellmouth will stay closed as far as I know, the end of the world is not around. The bunny plague though-"  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
"He's kidding, baby. You *are* kidding?"  
  
"About the bunny plague, yes."  
  
"Then what's the what?"  
  
Rupert hesitated. Somehow he had hoped that the diversion would make her forget about his news. It wasn't anything bad per se, but he knew that Buffy wouldn't take it well. The worry must have shown on his face.  
  
"Giles, you're too relaxed for us to be in mortal danger, but your face tells me I'm not gonna like this news."  
  
"It's nothing bad. It's... Wesley has asked for assistance."  
  
"Faith."  
  
"Yes, she's... she's pregnant."  
  
There was a sharp intake of breath from Willow.  
  
"Way to go Wes!" Anya definitely took the news better than Buffy.  
  
Buffy's face was a carefully composed mask. Anyone who didn't know her as well as Giles would think she was unaffected by the revelation.  
  
"Is it Wesley's?"  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Rupert could understand Willow's outcry. Buffy's question implied that Faith could have cheated on Wesley. And Willow had softened considerably towards Faith. Especially after she had risked her life to save Anya.  
  
He could understand Buffy as well. The romantic relationship of Wesley and his Slayer had only become official 5 months ago, so it wasn't entirely impossible that they had broken up. And Faith did have a less than stellar track record.  
  
"Judging from the daily letters and phone calls to the Council requesting reading material on pregnant Slayers and anything remotely related, I'd say he definitely behaves like a father to be."  
  
Buffy just nodded.  
  
There was a heavy silence until Jack carefully spoke up.  
  
"But... a baby is a good thing, right?"  
  
"Oh, of course. A baby is a wonderful thing."  
  
Willow patted Harris on the head. The little girl was getting sleepy. Plus she couldn't understand the ruckus about Buffy. She already knew her. This man on the other hand was interesting and new. He also had a very comfortable chest.  
  
"Yes. A baby is great. I wish her all the best," Buffy said sincerely looking at Giles.  
  
Her wishes might be sincere, but he knew that Buffy wasn't happy about the news. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know what to say.  
  
"I'll better go upstairs again and get out of this. Want to keep it for a special occasion. Dawn, could you perhaps take care of the mess in the dining room and kitchen?"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"I'll help you."  
  
Dawn and Jack left to clean up.  
  
Buffy looked at the remaining people on the couch.  
  
"Thanks for the dress. It's lovely."  
  
"You're welcome, Buffy."  
  
After giving them a forced smile, she turned around to go upstairs, leaving Giles and the others staring after her.  
  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Thanks to all reviewers :)  
  
Chorlton: Thank you for your constructive criticism. Well thought out and gloriously composed. A gem of a review. (It's called sarcasm.)  
KittenGal: The next chapter will have more B/G. At least as far as the people present. The shippiness will probably take some time.  
trishv20: Thanks for defending me. Although I do think that *that* review pretty much spoke for itself.  
Queen Boadicea: Xander is my favorite character on BtVS. The name Harris jumped into my head and seemed perfect. I'm growing quite fond of the little thing. She's so cute. I hope she's not annoying everyone.  
EmryldWing: Ah, I'm sorry. I decided to go to bed early and post this in the morning instead. Here it is. I hope you like it :) And thank you for your kind words.  
  
Sorry if Buffy seemed a bit bitchy in this chapter. She has issues. We'll talk about her feelings in the next chapter. To be exact Buffy and Giles will talk. 


	5. Faith

TITLE: Over her (5/?)  
PART: Faith  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/09-10/02  
--------------------------  
  
"Party's over."  
  
Willow frowned. Giles just looked at the now empty stairs.  
  
"Maybe we should help Dawn and Jack."  
  
"No. We can... you know what I told you earlier." Anya repeatedly tilted her head towards the stairs.  
  
"Oh. Yes. Ehm. Giles, we wanted to go check something in my old room."  
  
Anya nodded her head vigorously. "Could you take care of Harris while we have s-"  
  
"That thing in my room. Where w-"  
  
"Yes. I understand. Go."  
  
"Thanks Giles."  
  
Willow stroked Harris on her head and the two lovers got up from the couch.  
  
"Oh, her stroller is in the kitchen. You don't have to carry her all the time."  
  
"We'll be fine."  
  
"Good."  
  
They headed upstairs to... check out their thing. In a flash of self pity Rupert wondered when he would check out his thing again. Then his thoughts turned to Buffy.  
  
He cursed himself. He hadn't planned to tell them about the Council's request. He hadn't wanted them to raise their hopes until he was sure he would return. And he had known that the news of Faith's pregnancy would hit Buffy hard.  
  
Anya's and Willow's requests had taken him by surprise. He knew that they missed him. He missed everyone in Sunnydale, too, but he hadn't expected them to voice their wishes to see him more often. This was why he had told them about the Council's plan, not considering the consequences.  
  
He had hoped to prepare Buffy better and of course he would have chosen a different day.  
  
He knew how Buffy felt. He didn't understand everything she went through, but in many things he knew her as well as himself.  
  
One of the things that he loved about Buffy was her unfaltering loyalty. Once she had deemed you worthy of her trust, she stood by you, even when others would have long given up on you. She had done so with Faith. Until even Buffy couldn't help her anymore.  
  
It was even more than betraying her trust. Buffy had considered Faith a sister. Or even a twin. They shared the same destiny. They had the same responsibilities, the same conflict of being the Slayer and being a normal girl. When Faith had turned bad, it was as if a part of herself had turned bad. She had distanced herself from Faith and Faith had answered in kind, leaving them as enemies, when they should have fought side by side.  
  
They *had* fought side by side again. They had had to. When Buffy had to face an ancient circle of half-gods three years ago, the Council had sabotaged evidence and witnesses to get Faith out of jail. Together and with the rest of the Scooby gang including himself they had defeated the enemy. But Buffy had made it perfectly clear that even if Faith wasn't evil anymore her place was not in Sunnydale, which was true.  
  
He had had a long talk with Faith. She hadn't known who she was and where she wanted to go. She had returned to England with him for a while until Wesley had asked him for help with a demon that they had to fight in LA. He had sent Faith and she had never returned. Instead she had sent him a letter explaining that she wanted to help fight evil in LA and that she and Wesley had agreed to try to work as Slayer and Watcher together.  
  
Faith had helped them again one year later, when she had rescued Anya from a hopeless situation in something that could only be considered a suicide mission. Willow in a way that was typical for her had swept aside all her resentment towards Faith and with a heartfelt hug had forgiven her for anything that she'd done and in the process put a spark back into Faith's life. She had a mission again. Helping those in need. Making up for her mistakes.  
  
Rupert remembered how Wesley had described that moment to him. It was at that point that he had first wondered if Wesley was going to follow his steps and fall in love with his Slayer. Time had told him that he was right.  
  
Buffy had never warmed up to Faith again. So everyone else didn't mention her, even though he and Willow and Anya were in contact with her.  
  
They both lived their separate lives. Buffy did what she had always done. And Faith was redeeming herself.  
  
To see Faith begin a seemingly happy relationship while her own apparently was crumbling must have been hard for Buffy.  
  
To learn that Faith would now have a child from that relationship had to be unbearable.  
  
And in a way it really was unfair. He didn't know anyone in the world who deserved true happiness more than Buffy. He still hoped that she would eventually find it. But he also knew that there was no way to tell if she ever would.  
  
He knew very well, what went through Buffy's head right now. But he also knew that she would feel better if she talked about it.  
  
He looked at the baby that was sleeping on his chest. He could put Harris into her stroller, but he felt her presence comforting. Maybe she would have the same effect on Buffy. He certainly didn't want to fight with her on this day.  
  
He carefully put his arms around Harris and went upstairs.  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Don't hit me, guys. After thinking about the upcoming B/G talk and reading Queen Boadicea's last note, I felt I needed a bit of explanation on what exactly was Faith's current status.  
  
So again no B/G in this one. Me sorry. 


	6. I Try

I was a little busy, plus I wanted to think this chapter over. We've learned about Giles and Faith. Time to learn what went on with Buffy all these years:  
  
  
TITLE: Over her (6/?)  
PART: I Try  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/13/02  
--------------------------  
  
Giles knocked softly on the door, rocking Harris in his other arm.  
  
There was no answer. He heard some noises from inside, so Buffy was there. Maybe she didn't want to see anyone. But if that were the case she'd say as much. He was about to knock again, when the door was opened.  
  
She looked... tired somehow, but when she saw him and Harris she smiled.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey," he answered in kind. He noticed that she had changed into her casual training gear, grey jogging pants and a white undershirt. Her hair was now tied in a pony tail.  
  
"I'm sorry that I ruined the party."  
  
"Oh no, *I'm* the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have dumped this on you without warning."  
  
"Well, I'm not really sure how you could have warned me about this."  
  
She turned around and walked to the bed, letting herself fall onto it. She lay there lost in thought and anyone who didn't know her as well as Giles would have taken it as a sign to leave her alone. Instead he stepped in and closed the door. He walked to the bed and sat down on the opposite side at the end of the bed.  
  
She looked at him.  
  
"I really shouldn't keep you from the party."  
  
"I believe the party is over. Dawn and her boyfriend are cleaning up and Willow and Anya left to... check out a thing in her old room."  
  
She snorted.  
  
"They're insatiable."  
  
"Uhm. At any rate you are not keeping me from anything, seeing as Harris isn't in any party mood either."  
  
He moved Harris away from his chest to put her on the bed, when Buffy sat up and held out her hands.  
  
"Give her to me."  
  
He did and Buffy took Harris in her arms and lay back down, Harris on her chest. She kissed the baby's head and stroked her soft short hair.  
  
Giles' heart constricted at the sight. She *should* be a mother, if it was her wish. And he knew that it was.  
  
"I'll never have one of my own."  
  
Giles wanted to protest. There was resignation in her voice and he wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that she *would* have a child, but it would be a lie. Buffy was already one of the oldest Slayers in history. She was still a young woman, but she was living on borrowed time and her status as Slayer made it hard to find a man at all, let alone someone who would be willing to have a family with her. But he would have been even surer about that with Faith and now she was pregnant. Everything was possible.  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"Don't I, Giles? Sure, I guess, I could just bump into Mr. Right tomorrow and we could get married and have kids before my final curtain falls, but somehow I think that's not likely."  
  
"It's possible."  
  
"Yes, you're right." She looked at him her face serious. "I tried. I really tried. I... haven't always.  
  
"After Angel I thought I'd never love like that again. With Riley... and Spike, I never thought it would feel like that again. I didn't even think it should. Angel was the love of my life, but I couldn't be with him. But I also didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life, even if it's short. And I did love Riley and Spike, but it wasn't like Angel. Because I didn't let it be like Angel. If I had allowed myself to love someone like that again, it would mean that I didn't really love Angel.  
  
"And then when Angel and Cordelia came before they went away, I realized the truth. He was happy, Giles. Cordelia made him happy. He tried to hide it in front of me. He told me the truth, but I could see that he didn't want me to actually *see* him be happy with someone else. And my first instinct was to scream at him. How dare he be happy with someone else, after all we'd been through? After I had kept loving him all those years. He just went away and got himself another girl?! Didn't I mean *anything* to him. But I did. I could see it in his eyes. He still loves me. Maybe not like then, but he hasn't forgotten. He hasn't replaced me. If he had he wouldn't have tried to hide his happiness. He felt bad for moving on, because I might see at as a... I don't know as if what we had meant nothing. But I know it will always mean something to both of us.  
  
"And suddenly I felt so ashamed. What kind of friend doesn't want you to be happy? I made him feel bad for being happy with someone else and that's just not right. We've always known that we cannot be together. We hardly even knew each other anymore. And I didn't actually want to be with him. I know that this doesn't make sense, but I never thought 'Hey, if you can be with someone now, why not me?' I had just thought that we'd both live our lives, meeting others, even having relationships, but when we die, we'd think back on life and realize that there was only this one person. But when I saw him with Cordelia, I knew that there wasn't just this one person. He fell in love again. It doesn't mean that he didn't love me. I know he did. But it also doesn't mean that he loves Cordy less than me, because I know he doesn't. He loves both of us. And it's okay. It can happen to all of us. If we let it.  
  
"After they left I thought a long time about love and I noticed that I never wondered about others. It had been my firm believe that there was only this one guy out there for me. And then I looked at Willow. She had loved Tara so much. Truly loved her. And now she loves Anya. And it has *never* occurred to me that she hadn't loved Tara because of that or that she didn't really love Anya now, because Tara was her true love. I know that Xander really loved Anya. But he also loved Steph. So if others can love more than one person in their life, I could, too."  
  
Giles had listened to her silently. She had never told him any of this before, but he had had his suspicions. When he had first heard about her new boyfriend Jeff, he had cursed himself for not coming back sooner to tell her about his feelings, but then he had told himself to wait how thing would develop between them. Perhaps it would fall apart when she told him about being the Slayer. He had waited for that, but they hadn't broken up. And when he had visited he had seen the difference in Buffy. She was really happy and really in love. He had almost given up at that point but something had kept him from abandoning all hope. And eventually they had separated.  
  
He understood what she had been going through better now.  
  
"Jeff."  
  
"Yes, Jeff. Well, actually, there were others. I've gone out with a few guys before I found him. And let me tell you demons are not the only weird thing going on in Sunnydale. There are some seriously disturbed people in this town. And some seriously boring."  
  
He laughed.  
  
"But Jeff was neither boring nor disturbed. He was really nice. And he didn't wig when I told him about slaying. For some time I thought that was it. I loved him. And I really allowed myself to love him. It was wonderful."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Nothing. I mean nothing in particular. It wasn't one single event. It just dawned on me at some point that even though he didn't mind the slaying he didn't really accept it either. He never really talked about it. Which is okay. I go slaying every day, I don't need to talk about it all the time, too. But... he basically pretended it didn't exist. When we were together he was wonderful, but as soon as something demony came up, he was like 'Oh, right. Go do that thing, good luck and when you come back we can cuddle again.' He never said anything, but as time went by I felt like I was trying to give him everything and he didn't want it all. He wanted Buffy, but he didn't want the Slayer. But I am the Slayer. So I had to break it up."  
  
"But Michael accepted it, right? He even helped you with research."  
  
"Yeah, Mike was all for the Slayer. And not just the Slayer. I mean he fell in love with me before he even knew about that. He helped with the research, when he could, sometimes went on patrol with me. He asked how slaying went and I knew that he totally accepted that it was a huge part of my life, so it was a part of his life, too, because he wanted *me* to be a part of his life."  
  
"Then what went wrong?"  
  
"I... don't know. I don't even know if things really went wrong or if it was me seeing problems where there were none. Mike admired that I was the Slayer. Which is cool, because, hey, I'm proud of it. I'm the chosen one. I have a destiny and how many people can say that of themselves? I feel good about what I do and, hell, I'll admit it sometimes I feel special, better than others. When a vampire doesn't know who I am, I get cranky. *I* have the power to stop the bad guys. Well, most of the time. But... it's not just fame and glory. I remember that one time, when we came back from slaying a nasty little demon. And I had all his gooey blood on my shirt and wasn't exactly happy about that. He said that I had killed the demon and the world was a safer place for it. I could wear the shirt with pride. And I was 'I can't wear this shirt at *all*, let alone with pride!' And it was a new one, too!"  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Slaying isn't just fame and glory. It can be really sucky at times, too. Accepting my destiny is good, but I don't have to like everything about it. And it's not like I do it for the fame. I don't walk around on a graveyard each night, singing a happy song about how wonderful it is to fulfill my destiny and safe the world. It's also a responsibility. One that I sometimes wish I hadn't. There was nothing glorious about being bitten by the master. There was nothing glorious about putting a sword through the man I loved. Having to decide whether you save the world or your sister is nothing that I'd wish on my greatest enemy. And carrying the body of your best friend ten miles through the woods, so that you'd at least *have* a body that you could bury is..."  
  
Tears began streaming down her face. He moved so that he sat next to her and could pull her head to his chest. He stroked her hair, while she quietly cried, tightly holding Harris, who was still sleeping.  
  
When she had calmed down a bit and was just sniffling, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped her face and let her blow her nose.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He just smiled at her.  
  
She settled herself so that her back was leaning halfway against his chest. Since she obviously intended to stay in that position, he kicked off his shoes and fully lay on the bed.  
  
"Where was I?"  
  
"The not so glorious part of our destiny."  
  
"Right. It's not just glory. It can be a terrible burden. But I still have to do it. And Mike didn't get that part I think. He thought I was some kind of superhero, which I am in a way, but it gets very dark sometimes. He couldn't understand why I had to blame myself for Xander's death. I *know* that I didn't kill him. It was the demon. *He* should be blamed. I did my best. Blah, blah, blah. But the thing is I *am* responsible. It is my job to make sure that everyone is safe. And that's not just the innocents running around, but also and especially those who help me. Mike didn't actually say it but in a way I think he felt it was Xander's fault. Because Xander chose to do this, when he didn't have to. He wasn't equipped for it. He didn't have the super powers. And it makes sense. I mean when I first met them I didn't want them to put themselves into danger either."  
  
"I remember."  
  
"But... I don't know how to explain this. In a way I think it was Xander's destiny, too. No, that's not the right word. He did it because it was the right thing for him. It *felt* right for him to do it. Maybe not like us. He didn't get a birth certificate that said 'PS: Your sacred duty is to safe the world.' But he still *had* to do it. Just like Willow. It's a part of them, too. Maybe it won't always be. Maybe they'll one day decide that they want Harris to grow up in a town that is not located on the hellmouth. And that's okay. But it's also okay for them to do this stuff, even if they don't have superpowers. Willow can stand her own in a fight, but Anya isn't as powerful. And what about Dawn or Jack? How could I tell them not to do what is right, because they could die. They know that. I know that. And we all know that at the end of the day it's my decisions that are supposed to keep everyone alive.  
  
"It was nice of him that he didn't want me to blame myself. But the thing is, he simply couldn't understand why I did and why I still do. If I had killed Angel, Theresa and... Ms. Calendar and many others would live. If I had found a different way to rescue Willow from the Mayor without exchanging the box of creepy-crawlers, Larry and Snyder and who knows how many others would still be around. I'm not running around crying over them and telling myself that I'm worthless and doing everything wrong, because I know I don't. I do what I can. I try to always do the right thing. But sometimes the consequences are horrible. And I cannot just say that that's the price that has to be paid. I don't ever want to feel that way. I don't ever want to think that it's okay. I need to feel this pain over everyone that I couldn't save, because I'm doing all of this for *them*.  
  
"Just like the others. What do Willow and Anya care about a stranger that is turned or killed? What does it matter to Dawn and Jack if another guy they never once met is buried? People die every day and not from demons, but things like cars and guns and stupid accidents. That... that *monster* that killed Xander just wanted *one* sacrifice. One body so that he would live for another 50 years. One death in 50 years. That's nothing, right? We could have just sat down, let him do his kill and be rid of him for another 50 years. *Xander* could have sat down and not go there and not be torn apart. But the truth is he had to do it. Because he's one of us. He has that in him. Had. And Mike didn't. And he couldn't understand it.  
  
"And I didn't know how to make him understand. I told him about the terrible things that I had to do. He said he was impressed and proud. And I wanted to scream at him if he wasn't sorry for me. Do you remember what you told me when we fought Glory? That our destiny means that we sometimes have to do things that others can't."  
  
"That others shouldn't have to do."  
  
"Yes. He saw me and he saw that I could do all these things. And he's right, I can. But in a way I can't. I'm not making a lot of sense."  
  
"No, I... I think I know what you mean. We do all these things, but sometimes it's almost not us anymore."  
  
She turned her head to look at him.  
  
"That's it exactly. Sometimes I hate the person that I have to be because I'm the Slayer."  
  
"So you left him."  
  
"I tried to make him understand and when I saw that he couldn't, I tried to ignore it. I mean, he was a nice guy, funny, good with my friends, generous and all in all he accepted my slaying. He just didn't understand it. But I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't pretend that it didn't matter. I cannot be with someone who doesn't understand who I am and who my friends are. How we tick. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. We had talked about moving in together before... Xander died. I guess it just wasn't meant to be."  
  
"That doesn't mean that it will always be like this."  
  
"I know. And it's not like my happiness depends on finding the right man. Actually the last couple of months were kinda nice. You can just slob around in front of the TV in old clothes. You can go to bed early after a long day of work and slaying. Plus I could hang around a lot more with my friends and my little goddaughter here."  
  
She stroked Harris' head again.  
  
"She's the best listener. You can complain for hours about anything and she won't mind as long if you keep your voice soft."  
  
"I'm afraid that won't last."  
  
"Probably not, but still, it's not like I don't have a life if I don't have a guy. So it won't be the end of the world if I stay single. And if I do meet a nice guy, I'll just see what happens. So far I didn't have luck but who knows about next time. Plus it's not as if it was all bad with Jeff and Mike. Not at all. I was really happy with them. It was fun to go out again, getting to know someone new. Falling in love! Falling in love is definitely worth it. And breakfast in bed and going out dancing and picnics and all that stuff. Even if it breaks your heart in the end it's still way better than never loving again."  
  
She smiled at Rupert. He was deep thought.  
  
"Hey, earth to Giles. Do you know what I'm talking about?"  
  
"What? Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel the same way. With Caroline... it's just wonderful. To fall in love and to enjoy even the smallest things. She always puts her left earring on first. I asked her why and she said she didn't know, so I challenged her to do it the other way round but she refused." He smiled thinking about her. Then his face became more serious. "It was the first time in quite a while that I allowed myself to feel like that about someone else."  
  
Buffy looked away.  
  
"You mean since Jenny."  
  
Rupert stiffened. What was he going to say? Tell her the truth or lie to her? Or keep still, which was similar to lying? Back then there was no question about what to do. He had been determined to keep his secret until he felt the right moment had come. But now there was no more secret to be kept. He had concluded that there would never be a right moment. It was over. There was no more reason not to tell the truth.  
  
"No, since you."  
  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Cliffhanger, muahahahah. I'm evil, I know, but the break fit. So far we've learned a lot about Buffy and her relationships problems. Next chapter will be lighter, I think but necessarily outright shippy.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers.  
  
: Giles is not Buffy's father. They didn't even meet before she was 16. And their relationship was never set in stone.  
trishv20: I hope you liked it so far. I'll include other information/characters if I feel it's necessary. And I have to say I like the whole environment in this fic. So often in my fics it's as if Buffy and Giles had no friends at all.  
Queen Boadicea: I wanted to give a fairly neutral view of Faith. I'm afraid just like the show I've abused Rupert as exposition guy. I hope Buffy isn't too childish. She shouldn't be. She's 25 now, which is still young but not a teen anymore. 


	7. The Right Moment

TITLE: Over her (7/?)  
PART: The Right Moment  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/16/02  
--------------------------  
  
Buffy sat up abruptly. Harris woke up and seeing no good reason to disturb her sleep, she began to cry. Rupert lifted her up and rocked her a little before settling her back down on his chest.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harris."  
  
Buffy stroked her cheek, but Harris glared at her if that was possible. Then she turned her head away from Buffy and settled back to sleep on the chest of the comfortable man.  
  
"I guess, I deserved that," said Buffy, pouting a little. She leaned back against the pillows like Rupert. "But it's not my fault that you say... something like that. It sounded as if you said that Caroline is the first one you loved since me."  
  
"That was what I said."  
  
Buffy looked at him for a long time, no emotion clear on her face.  
  
"And when you say love-"  
  
"I mean romantic love. Not the love of a friend or a Watcher. And I can say for certain that my interest in Caroline was at no point ever fatherly."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
They lay quietly for a while, Buffy stealing glances at him every now and then. Then she suddenly hit him playfully.  
  
"That's not funny."  
  
"It wasn't meant to be funny."  
  
"But you can't possibly... I mean... How? When?!"  
  
"I'm not sure I can answer the 'how', as for the 'when', a long time, since before you turned 18."  
  
"18? But that was..."  
  
"7 years ago."  
  
"Thank you. I may not be good at math, but I can manage basic subtraction. At least up to 20." She glared at him. Then her expression changed to wonder. She had difficulties comprehending the news. "7 years. *Seven* years. And you never said a word."  
  
"I was waiting for the right moment."  
  
"And *this* is the right moment?!"  
  
"No!" he hastened to correct her. "This wasn't... it wasn't meant to be the right moment. It was no moment at all. I had always wanted to tell you when I thought you would be ready to... accept the news and perhaps consider... But now it's of the past. You made an assumption about Caroline and Jenny and I thought it would be fair to correct you."  
  
Buffy nodded. There was another silence.  
  
"And you're sure you're not just saying that to cheer me up?"  
  
He laughed.  
  
"I wasn't aware that it could serve to cheer you up."  
  
"Why not? I mean being loved by a handsome, nice, smart, tall, sexy British guy for 7 years... not everyone can say that of themselves." Buffy was oblivious to Rupert's stare. "And hey, no matter how much Wes has changed, you're way better than him, so take that Faith!"  
  
She looked at him and noticed his look.  
  
"7 years and you choose *now* to tell me this?"  
  
Her eyes widened. He smiled to let her know that he was joking. Although deep in his heart he wasn't quite sure if he really was joking.  
  
"Well, it's true. Of course I didn't think so back then. But you were three times my age. That's ancient when you're a teen."  
  
"I was three times your age when you were 13. And a half to be exact."  
  
She calculated in her head.  
  
"You *are* pretty good with the math."  
  
"Well. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind before. I had seven years to think about every aspect of our relationship. Age *has* come up. But you are right, you were quite young when we first met. Although I seem to remember that my sex life was still gross to you when you were out of high school."  
  
"You were my Watcher and not supposed to have sex!"  
  
"Says who? There are many Watchers who are married. My family have been Watchers for centuries and as far as I know the acts of procreation were all natural."  
  
"All right. You were right. I was wrong. And I changed my mind. You can thank Anya and Willow for that by the way."  
  
"Dare I ask?"  
  
"I don't know. Do you?"  
  
"What did they have to do with your... revelation?"  
  
"Well, after Mike left we had this girls' night. Pajamas, ice-cream, Thelma and Louise... you know. So we were talking about the badness of boys and how the world would be a better place. And when things got late it kinda changed to how some of them were quite all right. We talked about Oz and Xander and how Jack seems pretty okay for now and somehow the topic came to you. Willow mentioned that she had a crush on you when she first met you and how sexy your voice was and Anya started about your hands and butt. I don't think I need to go into details."  
  
"Oh no, please do."  
  
She glared at him.  
  
"As I was saying, they went on about your sexiness and I was beginning to think I was in some bizarro world, with the lesbians discussing the hotness of my *male* Watcher."  
  
"Anya is bisexual."  
  
"I know, but still at this very moment the two are humping like bunnies in Will's old room, only they wouldn't call it that because Anya would freak. Which makes it bizarre enough that they are talking about the sexiness of a guy who I had never thought of as a man."  
  
"But then you did think of me as a man."  
  
"Sort of yes. I tried to think of you as someone other than Giles, which wasn't really easy, but I had to admit to myself that you are kind of good-looking in an ol- uhm, mature kind of way. And I guess you can also be sexy sometimes. When you are violent and all manly, that's pretty much a turn-on. And oh, did I mention I was drunk?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I was. Not drunk exactly, but Anya had mixed those drinks, which she'd learned to do in Russia and you know how Buffy and alcohol mix."  
  
"I see. So the alcohol made you believe I could possibly be sexy on some rare occasions?"  
  
"I... didn't mean to say it that way. But yes, that's kinda what happened. Giles, I never thought of you in that way. I still don't. I don't know why. It's just... You're Giles and not someone I think about in that way. I don't think I ever thought a lot about our relationship unless things went wrong, in which I case I wondered why you did those things that you weren't supposed to do."  
  
"Like having sex?"  
  
"Like flaunting another woman in front of me."  
  
"Another woman? You do realize that that almost sounds like jealousy?"  
  
"Well, it is jealousy! I never liked Olivia. I mean I never knew her, but the moment I saw her I wished she wasn't there. Or at least that I wasn't there to see her. I never liked seeing you with other women. I wanted you to be happy, but I didn't want to actually see you be happy with someone else. I know that I make no sense but that's how I felt. And I'm not exactly proud of it. It's just this selfish little streak in me. Like somewhere in my heart I wish that Angel and Riley and Jeff and Mike would pine after me for the rest of their lives thinking 'oh why couldn't it have worked out with Buffy, she was the best thing that ever happened to me'."  
  
"I'm not one of your boyfriends though."  
  
"I know, Giles. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel."  
  
"Maybe if you... when you find someone for yourself you can be more generous towards your ex-boyfriends."  
  
"No, I am. I do want them to be happy. I think it's great that Angel is happy with Cordelia and Riley and Sam are still going strong. It's just... Olivia was so right *there* in your apartment and your *shirt* and I felt like an intruder. Not to mention that it didn't exactly help that you sent me away with no good-bye and instead 'Don't let the door hit your ass'."  
  
"Buffy, I never said such a thing."  
  
"Well, you might as well had. I needed you and you sent me away."  
  
"I wanted you to grow up. I *needed* you to grow up. I knew that as long as you depended on me there would never be a chance..."  
  
"For us? You mean a romantic us?"  
  
"I... it was one of the reasons. I would never have put you through anything simply for my own selfish need. You have to believe that."  
  
"I do, Giles. I wasn't trying to blame you. Back then I did, but not now. I understand. And you were right. If you'd just told me that you loved me back when I was 18... I don't know what I'd done. Maybe run away again. I didn't think I could do it alone. Angel, Faith and everything, you were always there for me. I needed you to be my Watcher."  
  
"I know. I never seriously thought about telling you before you defeated the Mayor. But in the summer after Graduation I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. My feelings for you weren't going to disappear. I needed to separate myself from you, as a Watcher. Either so that you could choose me as something else in your life or so that I could leave you to go on with my own life."  
  
"But you became my Watcher again."  
  
"Yes. You needed me as your Watcher again. And being your Watcher always came first for me."  
  
"And when you left...?"  
  
"I left because it was what you needed. I wasn't your Watcher after you died. You didn't discuss your problems with me and sought assistance to solve them. You used me to take care of Dawn and to get money. That was never my job."  
  
"I know." Buffy thought for a while before she continued. "You know, I think if you'd told me you loved me back then I wouldn't... have said no. I'm not sure, but I was so messed up... I might have held onto you for anything but that emptiness."  
  
"Which was why I waited."  
  
"Yes, of course. I didn't want to say you should have. God, no. It would have been a disaster. I just would have hurt you and hurting you would have hurt me. So much more than hurting Spike. I don't know if I'd have been able to look at you again. It's good the way it is. I was just thinking aloud."  
  
"Perhaps this is the way it should be."  
  
"Yeah. Even if it isn't, there's nothing we can do about it."  
  
They stayed silent for a while. Then Buffy looked at him grinning.  
  
"You know, you look awfully cute with a baby in your arm."  
  
"I do? Then perhaps I should take Harris out on a walk to meet some ladies."  
  
"What would Caroline say about that?"  
  
Rupert's smile faded. He still wasn't sure how that would turn out. In his heart he felt that it was over, but maybe if they gave it another try. He did love her. And that last tiny little chance that he hadn't admitted to himself existed was gone, too: Buffy now knew of his feelings and hadn't confessed her undying love for him.  
  
"She would make me pay for being a naughty boy."  
  
"I did not hear that. But speaking of Caroline, what does she say to your news, I mean the Council news, not the loving me news. Is she coming with you? Oh, you're not going to marry her, are you?"  
  
"Why? Would it bother you?"  
  
"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't even know her. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy, I'm sure I'll love her. So have you asked her?"  
  
"No, I haven't. I haven't discussed the matter with her at all. Which is why I don't know if I'll come back here or not."  
  
"Oh. Are you planning on asking her to come with you?"  
  
"I don't know. Probably not. We've only known each other for half a year, two months before it got serious. She has a very good job. I couldn't ask her to give it up."  
  
"So if you came back here, that would be the end of your relationship?"  
  
"I wouldn't let the Council ruin my relationship with Caroline. We have... a few problems. The Council's offer gives me a chance to decide whether I want to give our relationship another chance or start fresh here."  
  
"I'm not even sure if I should hope that you come back then."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You know, we're always here for you. Plus there's lots of ice-cream in the icebox. We could solemnly declare to never love again and then wax poetically about our ideal partner and say nasty things about the people we once loved."  
  
"Present company excluded."  
  
"Of course!"  
  
He smiled. Buffy's offer seemed rather tempting. He had missed her so much. Not just as the object of his unanswered affection but as a friend. And not only her of course. He missed all of them, not the least the little bundle that was sleeping on his chest.  
  
He would have to talk to Caroline to find out where they stood. For better or worse.  
  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Thanks for all the reviews!  
  
dword: Awww, thanks so much. I'm not quite managing a chapter a day, but these chapters are longer than the first few. Maybe I can post more frequently if there are shorter chapters. And yes, I believe Buffy is now ready for Giles (and he for her) even if they don't know it yet. I'm pretty sure about the B/G smoochies. You just have to be patient. Muahahaha.  
Queen Boadicea: Evil, moi? *innocent look* I just thought it was a perfect ending for the chapter :)  
Angelia Love: Thank you. I hope you'll enjoy what is to come.  
KittenGal: Breath deep... feeling better? The next chapter is soon to come. More or less :)  
  
  
Coming up: a talk with Caroline (at least I think so) 


	8. Half The World Away

Sorry about the no update, guys. I did write part of this on Wednesday, but it just didn't work out quite as I wanted and I had to prepare a report on SVG and SMIL, so I let it stay there until today.  
  
This is not Giles' talk with Caroline. I played that over in my head and though the general gist of it was always the same it turned out differently each time, which is odd for me. Moreover I realized that it was entirely unnecessary to torture you with Giles/Caroline if I can say what I want to say and more with the following chapter.  
  
Enjoy.  
  
  
TITLE: Over her (8/?)  
PART: Half The World Away  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/20, 23/02  
--------------------------  
  
Rupert Giles sat in his flat, which felt as empty as it was. Caroline had left. For good.  
  
Well, not exactly for good. He had to promise her to call him when he had the photos of Harris and the others ready and that they'd stay in touch, but what was once a relationship was now friendship.  
  
He had expected nothing else. Or so he had thought. But at this moment that was just as little consolation as the fact that he would be able to see his friends in Sunnydale again on a more permanent basis.  
  
He wanted a drink.  
  
Caroline had liked to drink, but with one look at him she had known when it wasn't the right time.  
  
'Drinking is fun, Rupert. Don't do it for the wrong reasons.'  
  
And this would be a wrong reason. He wanted to forget. But he would not drink.  
  
He thought about how happy they had been that first month. No, that wasn't a good idea. He needed to do something else.  
  
He should perhaps call the Council to let them know he would adhere to their request. But the thought of discussing what he was supposed to do while he was in California with someone who had no idea of what he was going though was not very inviting.  
  
It was only afternoon so he couldn't very well go to bed already. The best option right now seemed to keep sitting in his armchair and wallowing in self-pity.  
  
Suddenly Buffy's words came back to his mind. Ice-cream and discussing their rotten love lives. Yes, that was what he needed at this moment. Unfortunately Buffy was half the world away.  
  
But instead of calling the Council he could call her. She would at least understand and she had a way of cheering him up whether she wanted to or not.  
  
He got the phone and sat down again, wondering for a moment if it wasn't too early to call her. It would be just after 8 am in Sunnydale. He decided to give it a try and if she sounded very sleepy, he would simply tell her he'd come and that they could discuss it later.  
  
"Buffy Summers."  
  
"Buffy, hello."  
  
"Oh, Giles. I was a bit worried about you. I thought that maybe Caroline didn't react well to the news and cut off some vital body parts." He had to smile. Calling Buffy had definitely been the right thing to do. When she didn't hear him answer worry crept into her voice. "You're fine, are you?"  
  
"Yes. All body parts intact."  
  
"Good." There was a short silence. "So how did it go?"  
  
"It went well. We talked and came to an agreement. I will go to California."  
  
He heard her intake of breath. He knew that she was happy but didn't want to show it because she knew what it meant for his relationship with Caroline.  
  
"I'm sorry. Not that you'll come here, but..."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
He hesitated for a few seconds.  
  
"Yes. But I don't want to keep you from anything important..."  
  
"Important? Ha! I'm doing laundry. You'd do me a favor!"  
  
"Then I'd gladly accept your offer."  
  
"Great. Just give me a second. I'm gonna go to the phone in the living room and get some ice-cream. Do you have some ice-cream?"  
  
"Ehm, not here, no."  
  
"I'll eat some for you and try to convey the soothing feeling. You'll get the comfort but no calories. Bet you can't find a better deal anywhere. Hold on."  
  
He couldn't help smiling. He was feeling better already. Buffy picked up the phone again.  
  
"Okay, I'm back with double-chocolate ice-cream with chocolate chips. That should do the trick."  
  
"I feel better already."  
  
"Do you, really?" Buffy asked, serious now.  
  
"A little. I don't know why I'm so... I expected it, you know. When I told you I had to talk to Caroline first to decide whether I'd stay here or go back to California... in my heart I knew it was over. But still..."  
  
"It hurts."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You cannot prepare for something like this. You know it's the right thing to do, it's what you have to do, but when you do it, nothing about it feels right or good."  
  
She understood him almost too well.  
  
"I thought I'd lost her some time ago. But I didn't. Not until today. She loves me. She says she's just not the right woman for me."  
  
"Do you think she is?"  
  
"I don't know. No. She's right. We want different things. She cannot give me what I want. It's not what she wants."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
He thought for a moment before answering.  
  
"I want to wake up with one person every day for the rest of my life."  
  
There was a short pause.  
  
"I know."  
  
Only two words, but they said so much. They said 'I understand how you feel', but they also said 'I feel the same way'. And they were filled with a sadness and resignation that made him angry. He could suddenly feel tears threatening to spill over.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
"Yes. No! I feel... this isn't right. It shouldn't be like this for us, should it? I don't know anyone who deserves happiness more than you."  
  
"I could think of someone. You. But I guess we shouldn't fight about that. Let's just say that we deserve some damn happiness and whoever is not giving it to us is just mean and heartless and probably very ugly."  
  
He laughed.  
  
"So you can still laugh. That's a good sign."  
  
"You make me laugh. I can't help it. I miss you so much. All of you. How is Harris?"  
  
"Giles, you only left two days ago. I think I haven't even seen her since you left, but to answer your question, I'm sure she's fine. But you can see for yourself very soon."  
  
"Yes, I will. And if there's anything good in all of this it's that I can be with all of you much more often now."  
  
"Do you know where you'll stay?"  
  
"No, I'll call the Council and they'll tell me what they want me to do and I will talk to Wesley. I think he wants the Council to move their headquarters to the Hyperion and be up in arms 24 hours a day around Faith."  
  
"I can just see Faith's reaction to that."  
  
"Yes, which is why I will talk to her, too. I'll try to catch her alone. We'll see if they really need me in LA or if it will be sufficient, if I stay in Sunnydale."  
  
"Good. But you'll come here first, right?"  
  
"That's the plan, yes."  
  
"Okay, then I'll prepare the room for you."  
  
"It's really not necessary. You can leave it as it was. Unless you have moved anything in there after I left. Or Willow and Anya..."  
  
"No, it's as it was, I just thought I'd go through the cupboards and stuff."  
  
"You really don't have to d-"  
  
"I want to! I mean I wanted to sort out Willow's things for ages. And that way you can put some of your things in the cupboard. You could leave some clothes there if you move to LA, so that you'd come here over the weekend. Or you could take your time finding your own apartment." There was a short pause before her final quiet offer. "Or maybe you could stay here if you don't have to move to LA."  
  
He didn't know what to say. Buffy wanted him to live with her? ~With them~ he mentally corrected himself. Buffy seemed to have taken his silence as doubt, for she quickly continued.  
  
"Only if you want to of course. It's totally up to you. And we don't have to decide now, I mean *you*. You don't even know where you'll live..."  
  
"Yes, we can talk about it after I went to LA."  
  
"Good. I'll tell the others. They'll be thrilled."  
  
"I know I am. I'm looking forward to being a part of your lives again."  
  
"You always were, Giles."  
  
"But it's not quite the same."  
  
"No, this'll be much better. I'll count the days till your return. Uh, when will you return? Do you know already?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I'll have to discuss it with the Council, do some more research on pregnant Slayers and I'll see if I can find someone to take over my flat while I'm gone. I expect it won't take longer than two or three weeks."  
  
"'kay. Let me know when you know your flight. Maybe I can pick you up from the airport. Or if it's late I can send Spike. He's been going on about that bottle of scotch that you owe him."  
  
"Owe him?! He only won because he cheated. Moreover he was stupid enough to let himself be caught. Tell him to take it like a man. I certainly won't pay up."  
  
"I'll leave that to you. You know I think Spike misses you, too. He has enough liquor. I think it's just an excuse to ask about you. It's been a while since he had a guy to talk to."  
  
There was a short silence in which they both thought about Xander.  
  
"Anyway, we'll all be glad to have you back."  
  
"Yes. I will call you as soon as I have news."  
  
"Or if you feel bad. You can call me anytime, even at work. You have the number of my office, don't you?"  
  
"Yes, but I don't think that will be necessary. I really feel better now."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that. But I guess I can't evade laundry any longer then."  
  
He laughed.  
  
"I'm afraid, no."  
  
"Bye Giles."  
  
"Good-bye Buffy. And thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
He hung up.  
  
He wondered what to do now. He felt ready to call the Council, but he longed for some activity. He decided to go there in person instead.  
  
After putting on his jacket and fetching his keys he looked around his flat once more. It was strange. An hour ago it had felt like a living testament to his newly single life, reminding him of all the moments that he would now spent here without Caroline. Now it felt like nothing more than the space that would give him shelter until he could return to his family. Almost like a hotel room. Albeit one with very personal memories.  
  
He turned and walked out, closing the door without another glance back.  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Thanks for all the reviews :)  
  
EmryldWing: I do have a certain idea about their getting together now, and I think you'll enjoy it and the way to it. Hmm. I didn't describe Caroline, so I guess you could imagine her as ugly. But hey, she's gone now and he's on his way to Buffy, so what does it matter? :)  
Catlimere: Thank you very much. If the opportunity comes I might put in a bit more about Xander in relation to W/Ay and Harris. Letting them take it slow is quite new for me, too and I do wonder how long I can keep them from just jumping each other. So far I and they are still in control though.  
Queen Boadicea: *blush* Thank you :)  
: Thank you :) The bunny thing jumped at me so had to grab it. About Giles seeming off: Maybe if you could tell me what you think feels is different I could change it or try to justify it. One difference that is intentional is that Giles is more open towards Buffy now. I think the believe that he's over her is giving him a lot more freedom. He doesn't have to constantly censor himself. So if it's that, it's intentional. If it's something else, let me know and I'll look into it.  
KittenGal: I'm glad to hear that. I will try to keep the updates coming. I hate waiting for the next chapter myself ;)  
Shelly: Maybe you should look up what you're trying to write about. You'll find the word under "incest". And it doesn't fit Buffy and Giles. Oh and basically what D_V said.  
D_V: Thanks for your support and the glowing review :) I don't really know what to say. I just hope I will not disappoint.  
  
  
Up next (I think): Buffy cleans up Will's old room and has a talk with Dawn. Needless to say it involves guys and dating. 


	9. Loneliness

TITLE: Over her (9/?)  
PART: Loneliness  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/24/02  
--------------------------  
  
When Dawn came home she was greeted by the sight of her sister carrying down a box that was so large that she couldn't actually see if it was her sister.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Oh, hey Dawn. You're here for lunch today?"  
  
"Unless that's my stuff you're getting rid of, yeah."  
  
Buffy set down the huge box on the living room table.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is this your not so subtle way of telling me to move out?" Dawn gestured towards the box.  
  
Buffy frowned puzzled, then got it. "No, of course not! That's Willow's stuff from her old room. I'm cleaning up."  
  
"Ah. Okay." Dawn took a peek into the box. "So did you guys have a fight?"  
  
"No, why would we?"  
  
Buffy went back upstairs. Dawn followed her.  
  
"Well, then what's with the sudden cleaning attack?"  
  
"I just thought it might be time to transform the guest room into an actual guest room, where guests can put their things in the cupboard and all."  
  
"Yeah, all right, but that never was a problem for the last, what, 2 and a half years. It's not like we have all that many guests anyway."  
  
Buffy re-entered the room, which was a mess with papers, books, some magical items and clothes lying on the floor or in half-filled boxes. She knelt at the cupboard to remove the last things, while Dawn sat down on the bed.  
  
"We did last week."  
  
"Yes, and Giles is about the only guest we have that actually stays here overnight and soon he'll move back here so he won't be a guest anymore either."  
  
"But he will stay here when he comes back. And I thought it would be nice if he could leave some clothes here, when he comes over from LA for the weekend. Or maybe he will stay here permanently. And I really wouldn't wan-"  
  
"Giles is moving in with us?!"  
  
"I did not say that. He's not yet sure where he will live. Why do you sound so shocked anyway? I thought you were happy that he's coming back. And it's not as if you are here all that often anymore."  
  
Buffy pulled out a box from the cupboard. It was filled with pictures of Willow's parents. Buffy wasn't surprised to find them here. They hadn't even seen their grand-daughter. Although they wouldn't call Harris that. They would call her the child of 'that woman'. Xander's parents didn't even know of the existence of Harris, so despite having three parents all in all, she would grow up with no grandparents at all. At least she had a non-biological family that would stick with her and her parents no matter what.  
  
She nearly didn't hear Dawn when she quietly spoke again.  
  
"You're lonely."  
  
Buffy looked up.  
  
"I'm what?"  
  
"You're lonely."  
  
"I'm not. I have you, my friends, my enemies, a household, a job, a calling. I hardly have time for all of that. Nothing left for loneliness."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Dawn, I'm fine."  
  
"You should go out again."  
  
"Yes, because having a boyfriend worked so great in the past."  
  
"So you'll just sit at home alone sulking for the rest of your life? That's it?"  
  
"I'm *not* sulking! And I didn't say I will never have a boyfriend again. If I meet someone, fine, if not I'll be okay, too. I don't need a man in my life."  
  
"No, but you do need a life."  
  
"I have a life."  
  
"Yes. You slay, you go to work, you do Harris-sitting. Life is more than not being dead."  
  
"Dawn. I really appreciate your worry, but I'm fine."  
  
"Really? It doesn't matter to you that Willow and Anya are occupied with their shop and baby and life and hardly have time for you anymore. You don't care about me spending most of my time in college or with Jack. And you sure don't miss Xander dropp-"  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
"I'm sorry. We all miss him. I'm not saying that you should go out and pick up guys in bars."  
  
"Then what are you saying?"  
  
"I'm saying that you need to meet people. It has been 4 months since you broke up with Mike. Have you gone on a single date since then? Or not even date, just gone out? And no, nothing related to slaying or where Harris came along."  
  
"Would a drinking binge with Spike count?"  
  
"No, and when did you do that?"  
  
"Just after I broke up with Mike. Found Spike at Xander's grave after patrol. We talked, we cried, we got drunk."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Spike asked me not to. So please don't tell him I told you."  
  
"He really misses Xander, huh?"  
  
"He lived with him for three years. That's the longest relationship he had since Drusilla. Even if it wasn't a real relationship."  
  
"They cared about each other and were there for each other. That's as real as a relationship gets. That's what you need."  
  
"It's not easy to find new friends."  
  
"I know. That's why you need to get out. The only people you meet are the students who are too young and illegal, none of the teachers are your type and the only other people in your life are undead and soon-to-be dust."  
  
"And your suggestion would be?"  
  
"Shopping!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Everyone has to eat. Wanna meet singles? Go into the supermarket and check out the aisle for microwave food. You'll meet a guy in no time. Saturdays are best."  
  
"Have you tried this?"  
  
"Ehm. Maybe. That was before Jack."  
  
"Did it work?"  
  
"There were some cute guys."  
  
"And I'm sure they're just lining up to pick up girls that stand there waiting to find a guy."  
  
"Probably not, but if you go there were often, maybe a guy will recognize you and talk to you. Or you could drop something and when he helps you pick it up, sparks fly and things can develop from there."  
  
"Go there often? This isn't by any chance a scheme to get out of your shopping chores?"  
  
"Well, it would be stupid for *both* of us to go."  
  
"All right, Dawn. I re-"  
  
"I'll do any of your chores instead."  
  
"Anything I choose?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Bathroom."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"That includes the toilet downstairs."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You really *are* serious, huh?"  
  
"Buffy, I want you to be happy. And I want you to have someone around, when I move out. And before you ask, no I'm not planning to move in with Jack. At least not now. But I'm not gonna be here forever."  
  
"You're talking as if you plan on moving to another planet."  
  
"I'm not, but you know how it is. Willow said nothing would change when she moves in with Anya. But things *have* changed. They change all the time. Giles is gonna come back, but we don't know for how long."  
  
"It'll be at least for half a year."  
  
"You really hope he's moving in, don't you?"  
  
"I miss him. He understands me better than anyone. And you are right. I do feel a bit lonely sometimes."  
  
"Admitting it is the first step."  
  
"Well, we'll see how your plan works. And I certainly won't be missing cleaning the toilets. You know, if you have anywhere else you want me to go, I'd love to get out of laundry, too."  
  
"Very funny. You just go shopping and wait for someone to invite you. And don't you dare say no or I'll..."  
  
"You'll what?"  
  
"Ask Jack about any singles he knows and set up blind dates for you."  
  
"Yeah right. And I'll actually go to any of them."  
  
"You won't have to if we invite them here."  
  
Buffy glared at her sister.  
  
"Don't you dare. But since you are so hell-bent on 'helping' me, maybe you could put some of this into the boxes. I told Willow she could pick it up this afternoon when she brings Harris over."  
  
Dawn got up from the bed and started putting clothes into one of the boxes.  
  
"It's weird to pack someone else's underwear."  
  
"Then take the other stuff. And try imagining we'd do this with Anya's things. Now *that* would be weird."  
  
Dawn laughed. Then suddenly she stopped.  
  
"If Giles moves in, does that mean you'll wash his underwear, too?"  
  
Buffy just stared at her for a second then threw some herbs in her face.  
  
Dawn grinned and they continued packing Willow's things away.  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
cyberwulf: Thanks for the reviews :) Buffy can have kids. She is just frustrated and probably jealous because she has been in five long-term relationships but never even lived with a guy and Faith's first serious relationship results in a possible family after less than half a year. And Xander just keeps coming up. Maybe it's because he's my favorite character. I cannot ignore him, even if he's dead.  
  
Coming up next (I think): Giles returns. Dawn cooks. 


	10. Feeding Rituals

TITLE: Over her (10/?)  
PART: Feeding Rituals  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 11/25/02  
--------------------------  
  
Buffy lovingly moved the spoon so that it lay just right on the perfectly made table.  
  
The bell rang and she quickly walked to the door, unconsciously checking her hair once more before opening it.  
  
Giles stood there in a dark green shirt, grey pants, a smile on his face and Harris in his arm. Not for the first time she thought that a baby looked very becoming on him.  
  
She threw her arms around him in welcome, careful not to squash Harris. She kissed her lightly on the head and grinned at Giles.  
  
"Welcome back."  
  
"Hello Buffy."  
  
She stepped aside to let him in.  
  
"I hope you're hungry. Dawn has cooked for you. You can sit down already. I'll be with you in a second."  
  
He looked around a bit as though he hadn't seen the house for a long time.  
  
Buffy went out where Willow and Anya were arguing about who had the heavier bit of luggage. She took first Willow's then Anya's bag without any difficulties.  
  
"There's more in the trunk. And this isn't even his furniture. He says there will be a shipping next week. So why does he need all of this. You can buy anything you want in this country. If you have the money and he does."  
  
"Maybe he doesn't want to buy new clothes just because he's moving back here," Buffy suggested walking towards their car.  
  
"But all of this for a week? This is California. He could go half naked around the house. I bet you wouldn't mind."  
  
Buffy turned around sharply, her mouth wide open.  
  
"Baby, remember the part of that night where we promised not to talk about the things we said?"  
  
"Not to others. She already knows! I wasn't the one wondering what naked training would be like."  
  
"I wasn't wondering! I was just..."  
  
"Thinking if naked training would excite him, so that you could measure his size."  
  
Buffy's shocked stare turned into a killer glare. Willow sensed an impending fight and pulled her girlfriend away.  
  
"We'll be inside if you need us." She smiled apologetically.  
  
"Besides I was drunk," Buffy called after them.  
  
She sincerely hoped that Anya wouldn't mention any of this in front of Giles. She'd die of embarrassment. And then she'd come back to kill Anya. That woman had no tact whatsoever. And it wasn't as if she had really meant the things that she'd said on their drunken girls' night.  
  
After admitting to herself that Giles could possibly be a man and sexy, her mind had traveled to his body. She had come closest to him in training, but she couldn't for the life of her remember anything specific about... a certain part of his anatomy. Naked training was a logical step in this thinking process. Well, at least when you were drunk.  
  
It was nothing but academic curiosity.  
  
She got the rest of his luggage out of the trunk - it really was very much - and rushed upstairs leaving it in his room. Then she went into the kitchen to see if Dawn had started serving the food. Part of it was gone, but Harris' highchair was still there. She carried it out into the dining room.  
  
She was about to place it between Willow's and Anya's chair when Giles stopped her.  
  
"Could I? Please?"  
  
"Sure," Willow and Anya said in one voice.  
  
Buffy put the highchair next to his and Anya's.  
  
"I hope you're aware that this will mean that you'll spend more time waving food in front of her than eat anything yourself. Wait a second."  
  
She moved Harris' chair to his other side.  
  
"Move over a bit Dawn. I'll help Giles."  
  
They managed to rearrange everything so that Harris sat between Buffy and Giles, wondering what the hell was going on with the big people.  
  
Finally they were ready to start eating. Buffy watched Giles trying to get Harris to open her mouth.  
  
"I'm sure it's delicious. Open your mouth. Like this."  
  
Giles was really cute showing Harris how to open her mouth. But Harris wasn't impressed. Her mouth stayed shut.  
  
"You'll have to show her."  
  
Buffy took the spoon from Giles and opened her mouth. Slowly she put it inside and closed her mouth around it.  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
She didn't notice the slightly gazed look Giles gave her at her display, but Willow and Anya did. Dawn seemed more amused than anything else and Harris began to show a bit more interest in the food in front of her. Buffy removed the spoon from her mouth.  
  
"This is really good."  
  
Giles took back the spoon and scooped up a bit more of the undefinable yellowish mass.  
  
"Open up."  
  
Harris looked at the spoon. She lifted her hand, but Giles moved the spoon out of the way before she could touch it.  
  
"No, open your mouth."  
  
Buffy who had watched with interest now opened her mouth again to show Harris what to do. When the baby still didn't open her mouth, Giles put the spoon into Buffy's mouth.  
  
She closed it instinctively, her eyes looking at him in surprise. There was a hint of a smile on his face along with something else that she couldn't quite place, although she was quite sure that he wouldn't look like this at Harris.  
  
He slowly removed the spoon from her mouth.  
  
Buffy wasn't aware of how sensual the act looked. Nor did she see Anya's stare at them, then at her lover before she opened her mouth to say something. Willow stopped her in time though.  
  
Giles scooped up some more of the food and this time Harris opened her mouth.  
  
Buffy felt almost disappointed by that. But then Giles smiled at her and she smiled back.  
  
"When will you know where you'll live," Willow asked, satisfied that her daughter had given up resistance and they could start eating at last.  
  
"I'll call Wesley later and tell him I'll drop by tomorrow."  
  
"Have you rented a car? We'll need ours for the shop."  
  
"No, I haven't. I was planning on taking the bus."  
  
"Remind us to give you something for Faith before you go."  
  
"What is it?" Dawn asked.  
  
Willow looked in Buffy's direction.  
  
"What? We can talk about Faith. She's not a forbidden subject. What are you going to give to her?"  
  
Buffy was a bit annoyed. Why did they act as if she'd crumple and die if they talked about Faith? She was happy for her. Or at least she didn't wish anything bad on her.  
  
"It's just a box of things that we think she could need. Some stuff that Harris has grown out of or never wanted. Some pregnancy stuff. A few magical oils that will help with the ache in the back and feet. A few clothes. I hope she'll like some of it."  
  
"I know Wesley will certainly like some of it."  
  
Willow turned slightly red at the comment of her girlfriend. Buffy and Giles exchanged a quick look. Then he continued feeding Harris.  
  
"I'm sure they'll appreciate it."  
  
"Why don't you let me feed her for a while and start eating. Don't want it all to get cold."  
  
He smiled at her and nodded. She took the spoon from him ignoring the slight tingle she felt when their fingers touched.  
  
He tried his spaghetti.  
  
"Hmm, very good."  
  
"Thank you! But this is nothing. I want to do a real welcome dinner for you. I have picked out three recipes that you can choose from. This'll be great. We can do it late so that Jack and Spike can come, too. These are full blown menus with dessert and soup and everything."  
  
Buffy tuned out while Dawn went on about her fabulous dinner plans. She fed Harris, making an encouraging face to the baby. When she looked over to Giles she found him watching her. He smiled and she smiled back.  
  
"So if it's all right with you guys, I'll just call and let you know when I have everything prepared."  
  
"We can only hope no baddies will spoil the fun."  
  
"What?! They better not!"  
  
Buffy had to laugh at her sister's outrage. As if the demons should know better than to disrupt Dawn's dinner plans.  
  
"It'll be a special night. We'll celebrate the return of one of our best friends," Dawn went on. She picked up the glass. "To the Council for doing something right for once."  
  
The others picked up their glasses, too. Buffy put down the spoon. Glasses were lifted.  
  
"To the Council."  
  
Dawn was very proud of herself. Willow rolled her eyes. Anya gulped down the glass.  
  
Buffy and Giles on the other hand smiled at each other.  
  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Thanks for the reviews :)  
  
KittenGal: I hope this is soon enough ;)  
Becky: Well, Buffy will be happy, too, so all's gonna be fine!  
trishv20: Thanks for letting me know. I hope you'll keep enjoying it.  
cyberwulf: Actually only S/X friendship. Although I had this other story idea with B/G as Dawn's parents, W/Ay and S/X... well, let's finish this first ;)  
  
Coming up next: Giles returns from his visit to LA 


	11. Temporary Arrangements

Wonders never cease to happen. Here's a new chapter :)  
  
TITLE: Over her (11/?)  
PART: Temporary Arrangements  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 02/02/03  
--------------------------  
  
When Giles returned at 11.30 pm the next night, he was surprised to see the lights still on in the living-room. He had told Buffy that he would come back late and that she could go to bed after patrol. Then it occurred to him that it probably was Dawn - and her boyfriend.  
  
He decided it would be best not to disturb them in whatever they were doing. He quietly opened and closed the door, hung up his jacket and walked up the stairs.  
  
"You know, you don't have to sneak up to your room late at night. I won't scold you."  
  
He turned around and saw her lying on the couch with a book in her lap.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Who did you expect?"  
  
He smiled awkwardly, then started descending the stairs and walking towards her.  
  
"Dawn and possibly her boyfriend. I didn't want to intrude."  
  
"Oh, I see. You don't have to worry. I told them a while ago to please not do anything embarrassing in unlocked locations. Except her room to be fair."  
  
"Embarrassing for them or for the intruder?"  
  
She smiled. He gave her a short smile back and sat down on the couch at her feet. He couldn't stifle a yawn. Buffy folded her legs beneath her and sat up.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be tired."  
  
"It's all right. I just haven't slept very much in the last 48 hours. The different time zones aren't exactly helping either."  
  
"I understand. We can talk tomorrow."  
  
"No, I'm fine. I can tell you at least the gist of it. Any details and I'm afraid you would nod off within seconds."  
  
"So bad?"  
  
"Wesley can be quite tiresome. But I can tell you what you want to know. Since you stayed up and waited for me."  
  
"What? No, I was reading." She lifted the book in her lap, and then gave him a self-deprecating smile. "Who am I kidding? I was just preparing for patrol when Spike showed up. He wanted to check on you, say hello, ask for that Scotch." She stopped his protests lifting her hand. "Yeah, I know. You tell him yourself. I told him you'd drop by in the next days. I hope that's okay."  
  
"I'll go tomorrow."  
  
"When he heard you'd come back late, he offered to go on patrol for me, so I could wait for you. So I spent the evening pretending to read."  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
"You really needn't hav-"  
  
"I know. I wanted to. So... how is Faith?"  
  
"Faith is in excellent condition as far as I can tell, both physically and emotionally."  
  
"No mood swings?"  
  
"Not while I was there. She was a bit annoyed by Wesley, but not even half as much as I was, so I cannot hold it against her."  
  
Buffy was getting nervous. She didn't really care all that much about how Faith was, but she didn't just want to come out and ask him whether he'd stay or move to LA.  
  
"Great. Doesn't look like she's in any particular danger then."  
  
"Well, we have found only very little about pregnant Slayers and the documents we have are contradictory. Wesley is worried that the strain of supporting another growing body will render her helpless exactly when she most needs her full strength. He has asked me to move in with them. He has already prepared a room for me."  
  
Buffy's heart fell. She had really looked forward to having him around again. LA wasn't far away, but it was still another town. So much for a bit of company.  
  
"However," Giles went on, "Faith and I agree that it won't be necessary until there are signs for increased danger or she starts feeling weaker."  
  
Buffy stared at him open-mouthed. Then she hit him on the arm.  
  
"Ow. What was that for?"  
  
"For playing with me like that. That wasn't nice."  
  
"Buffy, I wasn't teasing you, well, maybe a little. I informed you of what we discussed. It is still very much possible that I will have to move to LA at any moment. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes. I'll cancel the 'Giles will not move to LA' party. Remind me to call Anya and Will."  
  
He gave her a look.  
  
"Sorry. It's just that I'm happy that you'll stay here, even if it's only for a while. Aren't you happy at all?"  
  
She pouted at him and he couldn't help smiling at her.  
  
"I'm very glad, Buffy. As a matter of fact, I don't think I can wait any longer to enter the room you so graciously offered."  
  
Buffy felt bad. He really did look very tired.  
  
"Okay. Thanks for letting me know today. You can tell me Wesley's boring details tomorrow."  
  
They both got up from the couch. Giles turned to her.  
  
"Thank you for waiting for me."  
  
"Don't mention it. You know me and patience, we're not friends. Let's go to bed."  
  
He arched his eyebrow a bit.  
  
"Uhm, I meant..."  
  
"Yes. Good night, Buffy."  
  
He walked towards the stairs. She stayed behind, her cheeks slightly pink.  
  
"Good night, Giles."  
  
She watched him ascend the stairs until he was out of sight. Then she sat down again, hugging a pillow to herself.  
  
Faith and Wesley could take him away from her again at any time. And she hadn't even dared to ask if he'd stay here or look for an apartment. It wouldn't be very practical to look for something, if he didn't even know how long he'd stay. Then again, it could take quite some time until he moved to LA and if he wanted his own place, it would be nonsense to stay here simply because he didn't know for sure when he'd have to move again.  
  
She sighed. It would have been better if she hadn't gotten her hopes up in the first place. Sooner or later she'd have the house alone to herself. But she had to admit it wasn't really that. The thought of Dawn moving out didn't fill her with trepidation - even if she wasn't exactly looking forward to it. But with Giles...  
  
She had been looking forward to spending time with someone who really understood her and had time for her. Willow and Anya were busy with their shop and baby and each other. Dawn had her own life and boyfriend. And all of them felt sorry for her because she was single and they wanted her to go out and meet people. Giles wouldn't talk about such things if she didn't want to.  
  
The only other person who spent time with her was Spike and she still felt a bit awkward around him, though that wasn't quite the right word. It had been two and a half years since she had broken up with him, again, but she knew that he had not fallen in love with someone else. He did have a few demon buddies, but since Xander's death he didn't really have anyone to talk to seriously, so he came over every now and then to talk. She felt sorry for him. Being a vampire with a soul wasn't exactly a ticket to finding friends. Talking to Spike was good if you wanted to wallow in self-pity with someone else or reminisce about the good old times. He understood everything that went wrong in her life. The only "problem" was that things were going quite well for her right now.  
  
But there remained a spot in her life that was empty. She hadn't even been aware of that until Giles had returned with the news of Faith's pregnancy and that he might return. And suddenly hope had filled her. For what exactly she didn't know. She had been honest with Giles. She just was happy that he would stay with her for a while. And the ifs and buts notwithstanding he *was* sleeping in the room next to hers this night, so she decided to not think about what would come and enjoy it as long as it lasted.  
  
  
A/N:  
  
Thanks for the reviews :)  
  
Queen Boadicea (1): In this story Dawn's a great cook. Maybe she just got fed up with Buffy's meals at some point ;)  
cyberwulf: Ah, sorry. Anya is kept in check by Willow for the moment. We'll have to wait and see if she has a lapse of tactlessness.  
DragonGal: Thank you :)  
Queen Boadicea (2): Yeah. Buffy and Giles do the coupley bit quite well, for not being a couple and all ;)  
Luisa: Thank you. I'm not sure, if I can promise smoochies soon, but they will most certainly make an appearance (several even!) at some point :)  
EnigmaSphinx: Wow. *blushes* Thank you very much for the praise. I hope I can keep it up and convert you :)  
  
  
I'm not sure how to continue. I had it all figured out before taking the break and now I'll have to think about it again. I seem to remember that Buffy and Giles go shopping together next (to help Dawn). So that would be what's coming up.  
  
Oh and I did a little timetable thingy for my own orientation and thought you might like to see it. If not, just ignore the following:  
  
post-SelflessW/Ay friendship that develops into more  
2003 Jan-AugB/S  
2003 AprilFaith helps defeating circle of ancient half-gods; W/Ay get serious  
2003 AugustW/Ay move together  
2003 SeptemberC/A visit  
2003 NovemberJeff  
2004 AprilBreak-up with Jeff  
2004 JulyMike  
2004 September"Baby fight"  
2005 MayXander dies  
2005 JuneHarris is born  
2005 AugustF/Wes officially together  
2005 SeptemberBreak-up with Mike  
2006 JanuaryBuffy's 25th birthday 


	12. Unhelpful Fantasies

TITLE: Over her (12/?)  
PART: Unhelpful Fantasies  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
DATE: 02/03/03  
--------------------------  
  
"That wasn't so bad."  
  
Giles sat at the kitchen island next to Buffy, finally at the end of his tale.  
  
"That's because you got the condensed version. Wesley managed to repeat everything at least three times and use the most complex way of explaining it possible."  
  
"Who would have thought someone could be more long-winded than you."  
  
He glared at her.  
  
"Aww, I'm sorry. Poor Giles." She patted him on the shoulder, smiling. Then her expression became serious. "Poor Wesley."  
  
He gave her a look.  
  
"What? Not only is his Slayer pregnant, she's also his girl-friend and it's his child. And that story with the blood-spitting and whatnot was not pretty."  
  
"Buffy, it was the middle ages. It might have been totally unrelated to the pregnancy."  
  
"Or it might be only because of the pregnancy. Who knows? I can understand Wes' panic. Wouldn't you be worried? If it were us?"  
  
He was about to answer when she uttered the last question, which made him stop and look at her instead.  
  
"I mean, imagine..." She trailed off, looking away. After a moment she fixed her eyes on him again, continuing. "You probably *have* imagined. Have you never wondered about it?"  
  
"Uhm... I..."  
  
"I'm sorry. Forget that. I didn't mean to embarrass you. It's really not my business."  
  
"It's all right. As long as we're talking about this kind of musings, I'll manage. Unless you'd feel embarrassed?"  
  
"No, why would I? They're *your* fantasies. It's not like we're talking about hardcore Watcher/Slayer bond- *Anyway*. I'd like to hear your thoughts on us, a potential us, I mean, formerly possible potential, hell, you know what I mean."  
  
"I think I do. I'm just a bit surprised that you don't even seem to feel a bit... uncomfortable."  
  
"It's not a disease. You were in love with me, Giles. And that's kinda wonderful. Actually I think I'd like to hear more about that." She faltered, but then went on. "I'm not sure I really got it. It's all a bit vague in my head and I don't really think about it. But it's there somewhere. I'm making no sense whatsoever, I know. Maybe we could just start with talking about what you thought about my possible pregnancy. Keeping on topic with Faith and stuff. Would that be all right?"  
  
He looked at her, trying to file away her jumbled thoughts for later inspection.  
  
"Yes, of course. The thought of having a family with you has crossed my mind many times, but I'm afraid I never really wondered about any possible problems during your pregnancy."  
  
"But you knew that there might be problems?"  
  
"I must have been aware of it. Yes, I think I *did* wonder about it, but seeing as it was just a fantasy I saw no need to go further into the matter."  
  
"Everything always went happily ever after, huh?"  
  
He looked away.  
  
"Not necessarily. But my darker, pessimistic views of our possible future never revolved around you being pregnant."  
  
Buffy understood.  
  
"I died."  
  
He looked at her smiling painfully.  
  
"It wasn't real. I'm sorry, I'm not very helpful. I think investigating Slayer pregnancies would have been a bit presumptuous. Like a waitress rehearsing her Academy Award acceptance speech."  
  
"Hey, you say that as if it's a bad thing."  
  
He looked at her surprised.  
  
"I didn't know you had acting ambitions."  
  
"I don't. But I have practiced getting my Olympic Gold for figure skating."  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
"Oh, then I must be careful that you won't transfer your hopes on our poor children, forcing them to make up for your failures."  
  
They looked at each other for a moment, before Buffy spoke seriously.  
  
"You *do* understand how Wesley feels."  
  
"Yes, I do. But I cannot help him. And even if he asks ten times more, I still won't know if Faith is in any danger. I wish I could help them. I wish I knew if it was safe for a Slayer to have a child." He looked at her, letting her know he didn't think just of Faith. "But I don't. I can only hope that they will be all right and continue to research and offer assistance if they need it."  
  
"So you really think she'll be okay for the moment."  
  
"For the moment, yes. I wouldn't stay here, if I didn't think so."  
  
"So you are staying here, with us I mean?"  
  
"If you'll still have me."  
  
She smiled and got up to hug him.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
They stayed like that, arm in arm, looking at each other for a moment, before Buffy moved away to prepare for work.  
  
  
A/N:  
  
This wasn't in my original outline for the next few chapters, but I felt I needed a bit more shippiness before the shopping and I think this turned out quite nicely.  
  
  
Thanks for the reviews :)  
  
Angelia Love: Thanks. It's good to be back :)  
Queen Boadicea: Yep, Buffy is still clueless, but in a way I think she might actually be aware of it, if that makes any sense (which it probably doesn't). And there'll be something of an eye-opener sooner rather than later...  
cyberwulf: I hope this was soon enough ;) 


	13. Responsibility

TITLE: Over her (13/?)  
  
PART: Responsibility  
  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
  
DATE: 02/24-27/03  
  
--------------------------  
  
"I'm home."  
  
Nobody answered Buffy. She got out of her jacket and hung it next to Giles', before going to the kitchen. There was a note by Dawn letting her know that she'd meet Jack and eat with him.  
  
Buffy went upstairs calling out for Giles.  
  
"I'm here."  
  
She opened the door to his room and found him sitting among his suitcases and their content.  
  
"You do pack like me."  
  
He looked up and glared at her.  
  
"Do you want me to help you?"  
  
She could see the slight hesitation in his eyes and how his gaze went over the spread items and guessed that he preferred not to have her go through his stuff.  
  
"You better do it yourself. Would be a bit impractical if you want to go out and fight some demon and can't find your pants."  
  
"Unless the strategy was to make it laugh."  
  
Buffy didn't think that Giles without pants would be a laughing matter, but she surely wasn't going to bring that up. She sat down on his bed.  
  
"Dawn's with Jack tonight, so it looks like it's just the two of us. Do you have any preference on how to be poisoned?"  
  
He turned from the cupboard to her smiling.  
  
"Anything will do. Actually I don't think there's time." He checked his watch. "I promised Anya and Willow to pick up Harris before the Magic Box closes and I wanted to stay there this evening to research a demon that Spike killed last night."  
  
"Is he all right?"  
  
There was a slight hesitation before Giles answered.  
  
"The demon didn't hurt him very much."  
  
The way he said it implied that something else did though.  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Yes, we talked about him. And other things. England, football, demons... a lot of things."  
  
"He's lonely."  
  
"That he is."  
  
There was a harshness in his voice that made her look up.  
  
"It's my fault."  
  
"Why on earth would you be responsible for his loneliness?"  
  
"He's lonely because he's a vampire with a soul. And he got his soul because of me. Ergo, he's lonely because of me."  
  
"It is *not* your fault, because Spike is the only one who's responsible for his deeds. We do the most foolish things for love. They cannot be ascribed to the person we love. Loving does not absolve us from thinking about what we do. The consequences are still ours."  
  
Buffy watched him, not quite sure how to answer.  
  
"I'm not saying that we're not responsible. When he chained me up or when he tried to rape me... That was his fault. I was the cause, but not responsible. But getting a soul was a good thing, right?"  
  
"I see. Your love made him a better man - literally."  
  
"Giles? Do you want to fight with me?"  
  
He was taken aback by this, but went on.  
  
"No, I don't. This isn't about you at all. It's about Spike. I like him. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do and it pains me to see him like this, in a self-imposed prison."  
  
"But it's not self-imposed! He tried to meet people. But it's not easy to explain why you can't come to lunch or need an explicit invitation to enter a house. And who's ever heard of a garlic allergy?"  
  
"So it was right of him to give up and celebrate a lonely life basking in the shine of the past?"  
  
"Tell me what he should do. Or tell him. If it's his fault and he's doing everything wrong, you must have alternatives. What should he do?"  
  
"Change!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"His life. If he cannot find what he's looking for here, then he should go away and look for it elsewhere. There are places in the world where the fight against evil is fought in the open. He'd be a hero."  
  
"And he isn't now? He's fighting demons, protecting the innocent. Besides he wouldn't know anyone. Here at least he has..."  
  
"You."  
  
"Us."  
  
"I think he needs to leave you. He's still in love with you."  
  
"He knows that I don't return his love."  
  
"Intellectually he might know. Maybe his heart does, too, but his life still revolves around you. Sometimes we love someone so much that our every move, every decision that we make are because of that person. And that's not healthy. That is not how love should be. We have to respect and take care of the people we share our life with. But they can come and go. But we'll always have to live with ourselves. When we love we mustn't give up ourselves. Because if we do there'll eventually be nothing left to give. We have to think of ourselves once in a while and for Spike it's been far too long."  
  
Buffy had listened closely and kept watching him for a while after he finished.  
  
"Is that how you felt when you were in love with me?"  
  
Giles looked away, then checked his watch.  
  
"It's late. I have to go to the Magic Box."  
  
He got up, but so did Buffy before he could leave. She put a hand on his arm and said his name to force him to look at her.  
  
"You could just pick up Harris along with the books you need. We can eat dinner together and research after that."  
  
He looked down at her sincere face, gave her a short smile and then after a second's thought leant down and kissed her on the cheek before turning away to go.  
  
A/N:  
  
I haven't posted in a long time, but here it is and I even have to more chapters. Not sure when I will update again though. I have to remember where things were supposed to go... or make it up again.  
  
Thanks for the reviews :)  
  
DragonGal: Thanks. I hope you'll continue to enjoy it :)  
  
kpsd: Thanks for all your feedback. It's certainly not over yet!  
  
hermia: Sure there's hope. I'm a sucker for happy endings and Buffy and Giles just love each other, even if they don't want to see it yet.  
  
: He will. How long though only the future will tell... (Not that I'm evil or anything ;)  
  
cyberwulf: You'll have three chapters in this update ;)  
  
Ava Carpenter: Thank you very much. It's good to know that you can write something that convinces even non-shippers.  
  
bg-girl: Here it is :) 


	14. That Nagging Voice

TITLE: Over her (14/?)  
  
PART: That Nagging Voice  
  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
  
DATE: 02/27-03/07/03  
  
--------------------------  
  
While she was preparing their dinner, Buffy wondered where her calmness had come from during their conversation. He had said a lot of things that rang too close to home not to be uncomfortable.  
  
Blaming herself for Spike's loneliness *was* idiotic. It was natural to be concerned for a friend, but the guilt that she felt whenever she realized how alone he was in the world was ridiculous. But that was something she had told herself time and again before today.  
  
What was new was that she couldn't take the credit for his soul either. For so long she had thought of his soul as the one good thing that had come from that dreadful time after her resurrection. Her neglect of her friends and Dawn, her "tryst" with Spike and her lies had resulted in nothing but pain for the people she cared about not to mention herself. But that Spike had been motivated to fight for his soul, to become a good man and a valuable ally against the forces of darkness had been the silver lining in the big dark cloud that was her life after heaven.  
  
But it wasn't hers. It was Spike's. *He* had decided to get a soul. It had been because of her, but it had been his choice, not for a love spell, killing her, suicide or any number of things that he could have done just as well because of her. *He* had fought for his soul. And Buffy was left with too many bad decisions to count. And the consequences of these were hers alone.  
  
Although that was something that she didn't quite agree with. The consequences of our actions were not just ours.  
  
Every person that she couldn't save had a family who had to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives. It had been Xander's decision to fight that demon. But there were consequences for all of them, not the least his daughter who'd never meet him face to face now.  
  
But that wasn't really what Giles had meant. He had been talking about responsibility for those consequences. And he was probably right as he was so often.  
  
Now as she put down the dishes on the table her thoughts turned to something else though. Something that mattered more than the responsibility, blame or credit for things long in the past.  
  
She was wondering if she had hurt Giles, truly hurt him. Of course she knew that her neglect and love for others must have caused him pain. But what she meant was that lasting feeling, that little voice inside of her that told her that the people who had hurt her deserved to be hurt as well.  
  
With Angel, Riley, Spike, her father there was a part of her that, in all the love that she had for them and beneath the guilt she felt in one form or another, could not forget what they had done to her. She hated herself for that feeling but it was as much a part of her as her sense of duty, her passion or her tendency towards melodrama.  
  
With Giles there was no voice. He had hurt her over the years, but not even the betrayal on her 18th birthday had managed to have the lasting effect that her father's inability to connect with her after she'd moved away or Angel's second nature had on her.  
  
Now she couldn't help wondering if it was different for Giles. The thought that he hated her just a little bit distressed her immensely. Their history had its share of painful moments, but she wanted their relationship to be one of love and friendship without any resentments. She wasn't sure if she could bear to feel guilty whenever she looked at him.  
  
She decided that she couldn't leave things as they were. It had been her instinct after their talk not to let him go like that and she had been right. They would have to talk. 


	15. Needing to Know

TITLE: Over her (15/?)  
  
PART: Needing to Know  
  
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz  
  
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de  
  
RATING: PG (might go up)  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.  
  
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless  
  
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)  
  
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.  
  
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel  
  
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.  
  
DATE: 03/10/03  
  
--------------------------  
  
As it turned out good will wasn't enough when you were a coward.  
  
Dinner had been mostly silent, interrupted only by light conversation about the food and Giles' attempts to make Harris eat.  
  
Now they sat at the table with the books that Giles had brought from the Magic Box. He had described the demon to her and given her directions on which books to try first.  
  
She looked over at him every now and then not quite sure how to breach the subject. Not to mention that she feared his answer.  
  
He made a noise, signaling he'd found something. Buffy watched him go over the page. When he was done, he looked at her.  
  
"Just what I had feared. It's a Tympani demon. I'll have to check with Spike tomorrow to make sure, but the description fits both looks and behavior." He put the book in front of her.  
  
"Nice claws."  
  
"They're poisonous. But that's not the worst part. They usually live in packs. Spike said he only saw this one, so either we're lucky and it came here alone or we have about a dozen more hiding somewhere ready to attack. They are not especially strong but fight quite well. We should find out if they have a nest here and then plan our attack."  
  
"So that's what I should keep my eyes open for tonight."  
  
"Yes, see if you can find the nest. They eat anything. It doesn't matter if it's humans, demons or animals, so if you find animal cadavers that could be a hint. Don't fight them if there's more than one. You should be able to take one if you look out for the claws. If they're in a group run. They're not very fast."  
  
"'kay. Outrun them, then turn around and secretly follow them to their nest."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
This was her cue to leave for patrol. It was a really good excuse not to talk to him now, too. But she couldn't let it slide. So she said the first thing that came to her mind in the matter.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Giles was confused by her change of subject.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"I never wanted to hurt you."  
  
Now he understood.  
  
"I know, Buffy."  
  
"But I did, didn't I?"  
  
He looked at her for a moment. She looked quite miserable and a bit afraid.  
  
"You know how love is. It makes the most insignificant things important. When she looks at someone else instead of you, when she forgets something you said, when she ignores you or says things that she doesn't actually mean. All those little things that don't really mean anything... they still sting."  
  
"You must hate me."  
  
"Buffy, I do *not* hate you. Even if my feelings have changed from what they used to be, I still love you."  
  
Buffy felt a hint of pain at the reminder of his change of feelings, but she ignored it, instead pursuing what she really wanted to know.  
  
"I know. What I mean is... just a tiny bit of hatred or maybe not hatred but bad feelings. Like 'I do love her, but I'll never forget how she lied to me about Angel' or 'I know that she didn't mean to hurt me, but when she was with Riley and ignored me, I felt so bad, that I'll never be able to forgive her for that'."  
  
Giles just looked at her and she wasn't quite sure if he understood what she meant she pulled herself together and said it.  
  
"Or maybe 'She's hurt me so much, that I can't help wishing she'd be hurt a bit, too'."  
  
Now she could see that Giles did understand her. She felt uncomfortable under his look. All her pettiness and selfishness were there in full display. Because she really wanted to know that she hadn't hurt him, because she didn't want to feel bad. She just wanted to be loved by him unconditionally and totally. And yet she had had to say it. She had to know.  
  
His answer though, was not what she had wanted.  
  
"Any pain that I felt because of you was washed away by your smile directed at me, your concern for me, your courage and beauty, your sense of humor or just the way you looked at me sometimes. If there ever was any hate involved it was directed at myself."  
  
Buffy didn't know what to say. She had needed to know that he didn't hate her and now she did and she felt awful. The courage that had gotten her this far left her.  
  
"I... I should go patrolling now."  
  
"Do that. And be careful."  
  
He looked at her kindly and Buffy couldn't bear it any longer. She fled without another word. 


End file.
